I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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