I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
