Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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