Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
