brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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