my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
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