apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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