I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
