i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
