woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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