No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
