I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
