just survived the first fart of the relationship.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
