I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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