shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
