Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize