I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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