Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Panties = found
Randomize
