At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
