doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
