1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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