mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
