I wish they made helmets for livers.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
no you cant smoke seaweed
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
