I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
