Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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