Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
