Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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