One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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