: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
