It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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