my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
