I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think my nap took me to another dimension
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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