I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
