I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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