At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Last time i carry you out of a forest
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
