The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
