you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
