If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
