my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
