the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
babies were throwing up all over the place
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
