You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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