Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
