and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
