WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
