a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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