Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
