we made out on top of his cat.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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