In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
