five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
