this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize