I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize