I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
