Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
