i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
