You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
