No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
