my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
this hospital has no fireball
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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