So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
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