that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Sober January is a disaster.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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