my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
