Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
