Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
