i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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