imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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