I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I will be naked everywhere
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
