Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
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It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
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I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize