haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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