Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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