She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The uberlube is also flammable
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
