Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
