If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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