Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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