hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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