i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
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