hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
