it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
